We all make mistakes

There is no way to sugar coat this, I’m terrible at making friends in social situations that don’t involve either liquid courage or forced interactions. I went through a year of community college making none friends and now that I’m going to an actual university, I’m determined to break the cycle. I don’t want to graduate with just a silly piece of paper saying I overpaid to step my foot into the job market. I want pals. Lifelong buddies I can go visit in The Hamptons, people who ask me to be their child’s God parent, someone to hold my hair back as I puke at mu bachelorette party, hell, someone to even throw me a bachelorette party.

I’ve done some thinking and self-assessing about this and have come to a few conclusions as to why I have yet to make college level bff’s.

1. I’ve got a serious case of the bitch face. I’m not talking about “oh, she’s probably having a bad day” face. No. “100% Don’t Come Near Me Or I Might Shoot You” face. Everyday. I mean, that’s not what’s really going on, that’s just my face. I blame the Air Force for this. I spent the first week and a half not being allowed to smile, so I kind of forgot how to do it in public.

2. I’m used to being alone. You know how in a group setting the kids that have no siblings are always kind of weird and selfish? That’s me. Only, I wasn’t the only child which I guess makes me more strange. I have a sister who’s almost five years older than me and refused to acknowledge my existance around her friends. Then to top it off she moved to live with her father when I was 12 leaving me with a mother who was never really around. I’ve lived the life of an only child since then, without all the benefits of being spoiled. Mostly I just made up games that I could play with myself, and got blamed for anything that happened because who else’s fault could it be?

3. I’m a narcissist. It’s not that I go around thinking that I’m better than everyone. I know I’m not the prettiest girl in the world, or smartest, but I am pretty and I am smart and I figure if someone wanted to talk to me, they would and if they don’t it’s their loss. Half of all people are idiots anyway. Don’t believe me? Do a survey today and count the number of times someone talks to you without you silently pleading in your mind that they’d shut up just long enough for you to walk away.

4. I’m a female. Girls automatically hate eachother until something happens and you go through the whole “why weren’t we friends such a long time ago” experience, but that’s way too much time and effort, so there goes a whole half population of possible friends. Also because of my femaleness I assume every boy has a girlfriend, and in turn I assume said girlfriend is a psycho bitch and that’s just too much drama for me.

In conclusion, I have no friends in college because the odds are against me.